What is the definition of Defendant Body Enhancing Protective Liquid?

A "defendant body enhancing protective liquid" is like a superhero for your butt, but instead of saving the day with capes, it's here to save your dignity and keep you from getting squished in a particularly awkward situation. It's essentially the most over-the-top, body-positive, and slightly absurd concoction you can imagine, meant to give your butt a bit of extra armor while also making sure it looks like it just landed on a roller coaster.

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Edgy example sentence: "After the mischief-fest, my 'defendant body enhancing protective liquid' was like a superhero cape that also doubled as my new, permanent 'I'm not a human' badge."